Eighth Grade Bites[ edit ] Vladimir Tod experiences eighth grade as a vampire, with his best friend Henry a human. Vladimir Tod is a very misunderstood child who lost his parents three years ago in a tragic house fire. With the help of his aunt Nelly, he begins to search for clues to find the killer. To make matters worse, he is a vampire who is just learning how to control his hunger for blood.
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Most of us students finish them in twenty minutes. The problem? So that leaves us with a lot of time on our hands. I needed a book, see. So I went through the shelves at my local book store to find a thin, quick read.
Normally, I would have opted for a fluffy Sarah Desson-ish book, but something caught my eye. It was a thin, titless cover on display beside a Twilight counter. Picking it up, flipping Last year, we had exams. Picking it up, flipping through it, I decided I could read this in an hour, flat. So I bought it. It was cute, not terrible, but not amazing, either.
Recently, I found the second on sale and picked it up. And here we are. On one hand, Ninth Grade Slays is a fun, cute read. On the other hand, however, it sucked.
I mean, really. Where is the tough, jaded, cynical jerk I had come to expect of every male protagonist I read about?
The boys, all in ninth grade, can only think about video games, gory movies, pretty girls, and more video games. They have more going on then this. The author spends more then half the book with Vlad shitting around and pining over Meredith, his supposed love interest, and thinking about how bullies are out to get him and basically recapping the entire first book--oh, and he spends almost an entire page bitching about how much agony he was in when he broke one rib the book before.
One rib. Tod, I have read books where characters get limbs yanked off and continue onward without a second thought. You, Mister Todd? The last thing thing that Vlad needed was to fall from a tree. While Vlad healed at an abnormally fast rate, it still hurt whenever he got scraps or bruises.
Six days of almost constant pain. It had felt like an eternity. The plot, as far as I can tell, is that he goes to Siberia with his Uncle Otis more on him later to be taught the vampire ways by an ancient vampire named Vikas who demenstrates surprisingly little wisdom, might I add for a week. Again, this is pages in in a page book.
And then Ms. Brewer spends a total of twenty MORE pages filled with MORE vamp angst, cheesy dialogue and bland plot twists that anyone with half an eyeball could of seen coming. For those who did read it, you all know what I mean. Hightlight the following space if your curious Plus, I really think Heather Brewer takes her readers for idiots.
Every few minutes she is basically recapping the previous page, or stating the obvious, or making it seem like people are smarter then they are just by MAKING other people tell them how smart they are. I thought you trusted Vikas to teach me. For the most part, his curriculum is brilliant. But some of his ideals are not necessarily the ideals I wish to instill in you. Are you kidding me? You consider that wise? I kept glancing back at the previous pages to see if Vladimir actually said something admirable, but no.
Apparently, being a moody teenager with a mind of your own makes you wise, these days. And I have no idea why. Vlad is borderline obsessed with Otis, and they give no indication of how this came to be. Why would anybody with a brain wake up and think, "gee, I wonder where that darn vampire is. Who does that? Now, there is one scene, where Vlad goes to the cemetary to visit his parents grave. This moment,where he breaks down sobbing over the gravestones, would have been very touching.
Had he not been crying the rest of the book about something or another. Over the same thing. Again and again. After a point, the water works are just ridiculous. There is, however, some lovely decription at the cemetary, which eased the pain a bit: Halfway up the main path, Vlad paused to look around. The cemetary was overgrown with weeds and dead ivy, and moss hung from the tree trunks.
To his left stood a large block shaped tombstone. Atop it stood a stone women. In her hand was a wreath of some sort. In the moonlight, she seemed alive and, with a shiver, Vlad waited for her to move.
This is probably the best paragraph in the book. Which is sad. I would not suggest it, unless your ten years old, have low expectations, have never read a book before, or all three. Or something.
The Chronicles of Vladimir Tod
Ninth Grade Slays
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